“In the National Football League, it’s not about intangibles, you don’t get paid just to play, we get paid just to win…”
Okay, whoa. First off, relax. You, in fact, do not get paid to win. You get paid to run your mouth on the television. And for the record, you are much better at the latter than the former.
Let’s say, though, while playing, Cris Carter did get paid to win. In 183 career games before playing with Randy Moss*, teams featuring Cris Carter (the Eagles and Vikings) went a combined 99-84. While certainly not terrible, that’s only a 54% winning percentage, meaning, of course, that Cris Carter lost nearly as many games as he won. That record includes a sparkling 1-7 record in playoff games before joining forces with Moss.
*Separation of Cris Carter’s career into pre-Moss and post-Moss seems only fair, as Randy was the true beast on those Minnesota offensive juggernauts . And, as a Pats fan I like to think I have a good idea of how effective Randy Moss was at making everyone else significantly better, and that everyone else includes Cris Carter.
Playing with Moss, Carter and the Vikings compiled a record of 52-28. The Vikings made the playoffs four out of the five years with Carter and Moss, but never won more than one game (going 4-4 in total) and never reaching a Super Bowl. Cris Carter never won a Super Bowl. Cris Carter never even played in a Super Bowl. Aren’t Super Bowls the mark of a “winning” player?
So please, spare me. Don’t say “we” get paid to win when you no longer play, and don’t say we get paid to “win” because that’s not really true either. In total, you went 151-112, and you got paid for 100% of those games, not 57% of them.
Moving on…
“I’m gonna do this like ice cream: If there’s 32 teams in the league, and Tebow is the flavor, I’m picking all the other flavors to try to win in the league because I know I can win quicker than I can with him.”
…What?
Even if this made even a little sense, and we were to consult Emuffin’s Top 50 Ice Cream Flavors leaderboard (E-Muffin’s: “The Most Trusted Name in Ice Cream Power Rankings Since 2009?) that lines Tebow up with Pecan, and honestly, are you really going to take Pistachio (Rex Grossman) or Cake Batter (Matt Moore) over Pecan? Didn’t think so.
Unlikely future Cris Carter quotes: “We don’t get paid just to speak, we get paid to make sense with words!”
“No one in the National Football League is doing it like Tim Tebow is doing it, so why would I break the mold? Why should I break the mold just for him?!”
Why would I break the barefoot mold for just shoes?! Why would I break the handwriting letters and paying for postage mold for just emaill?! I’m not saying that the way Tebow plays is going to change the way NFL offenses operate. I’m not even saying that Tim Tebow is good. But seriously, what an old and tired argument, proven wrong over and over again, a trillion times throughout human history.
“He’s the only guy we’ve given credit for winning in high school and college…he’s not a winner in the NFL.”
Yesterday, Tim Tebow was a winner in the NFL. Yeah, he beat Cake Batter and the Dolphins and it was very, very ugly, but he won. And isn’t that all NFL players get paid to do, Cris Carter?
Mind you, despite all of this, I’m not convinced Tim Tebow is going to succeed in the NFL. Part of me likes the guy and his attitude and wants to see him succeed on the pro level, if just to spite Cris Carter and that clown Merrill Hodge. Then again if he does win, I’ll probably have to listen to Skip Bayless run his mouth about how he was right all along, so I really can’t win. I guess it’s a good thing I don’t get paid to win.
Finally, to indulge myself one last time: Mark Sanchez can’t throw either but – the Jets still win somehow and – Jets fans will not shut up.
So if Tebow wins, I say, Tebow fans, yell down from a mile high and up to the heavens and drown out that drunk, New York noise.
